Alessia D’Anna
Long Essay 2 Draft
Death then Love
December 10, 2011 is the day my life
changed forever, it is the day I felt whole again, I felt happy and most
importantly, I felt loved. My life was finally coming together, even though I
was only 20 years old, and since then it has been better than I ever imagined
possible. However, all of this change did not come easily; I had suffered immensely
and gone through things I wouldn’t wish on anyone, not even someone I hate.
Two years prior to December 2011 I had suffered a great
loss, no.. I had suffered two great losses. In 2009 my uncle was taken from my
family in a drunken driving accident where the driver struck my uncle who was
crossing the street, and left him on the street to die. As expected in any
situation, time healed me and my family of our pain. Finally, I was beginning
to feel like myself again. Until May 8, 2010 when I got a call at 4 a.m.
“Alessia...” she said faintly over the phone, tears in her throat as she
practically choked on her words, “Hernan is dead, he died.”
The
next thing I knew I was on the floor in my hall way screaming and crying uncontrollably
as my parents tried to hold me and calm me down. Up all night long I kept re-playing
that horrible memory back in my head. “How did I even get downstairs in the
hallway?” “I don’t remember walking down my stairs; I don’t even remember
hanging up the phone with Maria when she told me.” “All I remember was
screaming into the phone then screaming on the floor downstairs.” “I don’t
remember anything else.” “This has to be a nightmare.” All of these thoughts
were running through my head as I lay in my bed that morning after the call,
feeling lifeless.
The following year after his death had been my worst. I
had lost my best friend in a drunken driving accident on the Garden State
Parkway, after just losing my uncle the same way a year before. Not only was
Hernan Sanchez my best friend, but there were romantic feelings between the two
of us. No, I was not in love with him but I loved him dearly. I loved him because
of who he was. He was kind, loving, friendly to all, smart, extremely ambitious
and had such an amazing sense of humor. A month or two before his passing we
had decided that maybe we could try to be more than friends. We would hang out
almost every day, always in groups of friends, never alone; which I am so
thankful for now. Who knows what could
have happened had we been alone, and that could have made my grieving one
thousand times worse than it already had been.
However
there was always something standing in our way, whether it was scared feelings
to move further, or other people trying to ruin our potential, therefore
although we tried, we were never officially dating. Not only had I lost my best
friend but I had to witness the pain and suffering that his parents and family
had gone through. I lived in constant fear that something terrible was going to
happen again. I was afraid to leave my home because I thought I might not come
back, and my parents would go through what his have gone through.
As
time went on, I began to feel better, day by day, but never 100% the same.
Until the day I met Tomasz Wisniewski. Actually, I met Tommy in 2007, we had
been high school friends and classmates. Tommy was on the soccer team and had a
different group of friends than I did, but we were always friendly with one
another. We kept in touch from time to time through social networks. Exchanging
happy birthdays every year and liking pictures of one another here and there.
Then one day, two years after high school I saw Tommy at Kean, in the
cafeteria, wearing a green hoodie and I couldn’t stop smiling. As my friend and
I walked passed him and some of his friends in the cafeteria we waved hello and
she leaned and whispered to me, “Wow, Tommy got so cute!” “I know, holy crap!”
I responded and we both laughed as we walked out of the door.
To
my surprise Tommy and I began talking more often just weeks after seeing each
other. Eventually we exchanged phone numbers and even went on a date or two.
And by date I mean, saying we both have to study in the library, just as an
excuse to hang out. Usually, the thought of having a “date” at the library
would sound comical to me and I would expect to be taken out to dinner, or
something a “typical” date consists of. But that night, November 13, 2011, at
the library, was the most fun and best time I had had in months. Both of us
were extremely nervous but we laughed, talked all night and flirted as the time
passed us by so quickly. As we headed home and Tommy dropped me off all I could think about was how
bad I wanted to see him again, everyday after that.
Two
years later Tommy and I have still been dating, and the past two years and have
been the happiest days of my life. Although as time has passed we have
experienced some difficult times in our relationship, the good times we have
and have had outweigh the bad days by far. I could never imagine my life
without him and I will always do everything in my power to make sure I never
have to. Now, at 22 years old I am the happiest I have ever been, my happiness
and love for Tommy grows each day and I am so confident that it will only
continue to get better. Not only has Tommy made me happy as my boyfriend, but
more importantly as my best friend; he is my confidant. Everyday and night he
is the person I want to talk to, to tell him how my day went, the person I want
to spend the most time with, the person I want to make proud. He is the person
I want to share my feelings with, be my true self with, and make my memories
with.
Our
relationship is a learning process and experience for both of us everyday.
There are some days that are better than others, nothing is perfect. Above any
and all arguments, disagreements or frustration, our love beats the odds. I
remind him as often as I can that he is the one who saved me when I truly
needed saving. Although he may not understand in full the things I went through
and the terrible emotions I felt, and I hope with my whole heart that he never
has to, I will always have those terrible memories in the back of my head. The
only difference is now, I have beautiful memories and things to look forward to
above those rough times.
Sometimes
I hear my own screams in my head, the screams I let out that night I learned
about Hernans passing and I cringe. The pain I went through was excruciating,
but the happiness I feel now is overwhelming. Not a day, not even a moment,
passes by that I am not thankful for Tommy. He is my reason to wake up every morning;
he is my past, my present, my future, my purpose, my best friend, my lover, my
life.
I
will never forget the friend I lost; he will always be in my heart and in my
memories. I know deep down inside that he is watching over me, I know that he
is happy for me, proud of me and excited for what my future holds. I also know
that I am one of the luckiest women in the world, because I fell in love with my
best friend. Thank you, Tomek, for all you are and all you do. I love you, five.
